lol wow, it's been quite a while huh?

Well, I'm in class and am quite sure no one wants to read about my exciting~ life since my last post. So, it's time for bullets dashes!1

- School has literally taken over my life holycrapI'majunior asdfghjklsndjfsdf, along with work.
- Still working at my same job, over 2 years now!
- Seby and I are absolutely wonderful and madly in love. gushygushygushycrapyoudon'tcareabout
- I really should be paying attention in class. This stuff sounds kind of important.

That's all, really.

Oh, and about Cap - also known by his new name as Noel. He is alright. Still hitting on me and goofing around. Men, can't live with them or without them.

Idk. I don't really have much to update and/or report on. I don't feel like doing a listings post again so I won't. Well, so, my life is pretty decent I guess. Still on summer vacation and I love being a lazy ass. Work is normal, a headache inducing nightmare. Uh, my family is great aside from the usual financial issues. And Seby and I are still doing fabulously. I guess that's it. When something exciting/heartbreaking/important happens, LJ will be the first to know. Promise.


Oh, and lastly, not being a virgin is fucking awesome.


That is all. Hope life is damn good for everyone on the flist. Although for the like of me, I don't know anyone who still continues to read this. Or cares anymore for that matter.

Note - If I ever use a Drake lyric ever, shoot me and throw me in a lake with cement shoes.

It's been awhile yet again, and I apologize. ~Real life is getting in the way. I don't even have much time to post this now since I have to be at work in an hour and I'm still just ~chilling in bed. Listings will have to do for now.

• Seby and I are doing fantastic. We went to the Met and afterwards to a Peruvian restaurant and to some Icee shop that just opened. The whole day was great, even though my feet were killing me.

• Summer vacation and I love it so much \o/

• Cap and I are on speaking terms, but all we do now is insult each other. I call him a midget, twerp, loser, asshole, pervert, etc. He calls me slow, loud, crazy, and fat (even though he lies and says he didn't mean it or didn't say it at all. I still hit him with something though, cause no girl ever should be called fat.)

• (Continuation): With the way Cap acts with me, he is either hung up on me (which I can't believe) or is just so bitter that he has to make fun of me to make himself feel better. He's pathetic.

And that's my life thus far. Not too exciting I know, but it's definitely a handful.

Last time I checked, I was allowed to make mistakes.

I shouldn't start my first post in months so abruptly, but I feel it's important to emphasize that point. All human beings make mistakes, and the purpose of them is to learn a lesson or moral at the end of the chaos. Well, I certainly learned mine.

Looking back at the whole ordeal with you-know-who, it seems I might have kicked my emotions into overdrive. I practically threw myself at a guy, in the sense where I made it painfully clear that I desired his attention, in the hopes that he'd like me back. I'm not sure at this point what the fuck he thinks but the story is too detailed, and too complicated, to list everything that's happened since my last post. However, one thing I must share is that, for the past two months now, Seby and I have become an item. An official couple.

It just sort of happened. I'm not going to lie, I did secretly have some feelings for him. I just always assumed he had a bitch or two to mess with, just like Cap, so I never bothered to express how I felt. We just clicked so well, and I started to develop more-then-friends feelings. He felt the same, and we just decided it should be official. Relationship wise, I'm at a place where I never thought I'd see myself. Happy.

Not overworrying, not overjealousy (although I do get jealous on occasion). Just happiness. He understands me & I understand him. Cheesy as fuck, but a clear explanation.

Cap sees this whole scenario as surreal, to say the least. We had a conversation a couple days ago, which puts things into a clearer place.

Cap: Nobody loves me.
Me: Well, that's true.
Cap: What did you say?
Me: Me? Nothing.
Cap: You don't like me, I know.
Me: You're right. I don't like you.
Cap: I've known that for a loooong time now.

He thinks I used him. He has the balls to think I used him. And never liked him at all. And was just with him to, in some odd way, get Seby's attention. This kid has his head screwed on backwards, that's for sure. Thinking about the time I wasted with him makes my head hurt. Which is where my first sentence comes back into place.

We're all allowed to make mistakes. Whether they be big or small, romantic or financial. We all make mistakes. I had to learn from mine the hard way, but at least I found that good lesson in Seby. The lesson that we shouldn't try to rush into things that should happen at their own pace, if they're meant to happen at all.

And I learned to let go of all regrets, especially those that you consider the biggest.

I'm going to pretend I didn't see the hickey on his neck. I'm going to pretend he didn't zip his sweater alllll the way up when we were talking before he rushed "home." I'm going to pretend he didn't tell Seby about this crazy party he went to with his girlfriend, where he blew all his money on her, knowing I was within listening distance. I'm going to pretend he didn't have the biggest (fake) look of hurt on his face when I told him I wanted nothing to do with him romantically. I'm going to pretend he didn't whisper how much he liked me before he let go of my hand and walked away, probably to go fuck his girlfriend. I'm going to pretend he didn't lie to me for a month and a half. I'm going to pretend I don't miss his warmth, his unique scent, his hand in mine. I'm going to pretend I'm not crying myself to sleep tonight. I'm going to pretend I'm estatic to go to work tomorrow. I'm going to pretend I didn't call him boo, and he didn't call me honey.

Most of all, I'm going to pretend I never fell for a lying, deceiving piece of shit who led me to believe we'd be together soon enough.

I'll eventually believe it if I pretend.

Captain has a girlfriend, and it isn't me.

It's some girl he's been seeing since we went on our first date. Pretty much everything that ever came out of his mouth was bullshit. And when we were having our talk he told me he'd love to see me again, date wise, and doesn't want anything serious. That alone hurt, but I agreed and said that I'd still like to see him too, with no strings attached because I didn't want him to do anything he didn't want to do. After a few more dates I figured he might want something serious with me. He gave me some hope.

It was Seby who ended up telling me the truth about Cap's girlfriend, and how he told Seby to not tell me about her.

Everything sorta crashed down around me after that. I cried and had a very heavy heart. Seby tried to make me feel better but it honestly didn't work. Cap is officially cut from my life romantically.

I need a drink.

This has been one of the longest weeks of my life.

All because a certain someone who is beginning to frustrate me told me we had to have a "serious talk", but he was in a rush to do something so he wouldn't tell me right then and there. I asked if it was a good or bad thing we needed to talk about, and he just smirked and told me to wait until Friday. My heart sank all the way down to my fucking ovaries. He fucking complimented me before dropping the serious talk bomb and then rushed away after giving me a peck on the cheeck.

I don't know whether to be afraid or not, but my first instinct tells me that he's going to "leave me" for some slut and wanted to wait a week to think of a sweet, non-douchey way to tell me. Hence, my first instinct told me to be fucking terrified. Now, after I've had a few days to think about it, I'm not sure what the hell he wants to talk about. I'm going to stick with the whole he's-gonna-leave-me-for-a-slut story because that way, if it's true, I won't be that hurt or disappointed. I hate getting my hopes up, so I've completely blocked out the idea that our serious talk might be about something positive. My friends & family dislike when I do that, but I dislike getting let down, so this is the only way I see to avoid it.

The whole situation on Monday was very shady, hence why I'm having such negative thoughts to start with. I don't know. I just hope the girl he's choosing over me isn't a stupid bitch who'll end up breaking his heart. As much of a douchey move it was to make me wait til Friday, he doesn't deserve that.

Let me start off by saying: Happy belated New Year's!

I would list my resolutions, but the guilt of knowing I already broke two out of ten or so is too much. So, I'll just say my year is starting off quite nicely in other aspects. Firstly, my grades from my first semester in college are wonderful. I currently have a GPA of 3.250 with two Bs, one B+ and one A-.

Secondly, I finally went on my date with Cap. I can honestly say it was one of the best nights I've had in aaaaages. He invited me out to this cool little local Peruvian restaurant, and we just ate and talked about work, our families, alcohol (we stayed on this topic for a bit, ha), living in New York City, and anything else we could think of. Whenever our talking died down, we would sit in comfortable silences and he would just stare at me. I would look up and stare right back, with the biggest smile on my face. He was constantly telling me how beautiful I looked, and how much he liked me and how, in allll the years he's worked at our job, he's never invited any girl (from work) out on a date. He even mentioned once or twice how nervous he was. He played with my hands a lot too. Giving me little hand massages, telling me how he didn't know what was going on with him....how he's never liked anyone the why he likes me. He also went on to say I have verrry sexy lips, and how much he wanted to kiss me, but....I digress.

He paid for the whole dinner, and even a cab to take me home because he didn't want me to take the train. He put his arm around me and held my hand during the walk to the car service place. He hugged me often, and we even shared a kiss or two. During the cab ride, I rested my head on his shoulder. Later, our foreheads touched and he started to caress my cheek and give me eskimo kisses. He also played with my hair and planted tiny little kisses on my nose. I was almost heartbroken when the cab reached my apartment. I gave him one last kiss goodbye, and I can only describe the entire night as fucking blissful.

We're gonna talk about date number 2 on Monday, and I'm itching with excitement already. I had a long talk with my mother about the whole thing, and she admires the fact that he hasn't asked me to be his girlfriend just yet. He apparently wants to get to know me better, and wants to continue spending time with me, before we make anything official. Yet, he looooves to be very affectionate and adorable with me at every chance he could.

I don't know what to make of our "relationship", so I'm just going to continue to get comfortable with him, and get to know him better before anything's official. I've discovered a lot about him already, and we've only gone out once, so I can only imagine what else I could uncover after going on a few more dates. I can't help it, I'm 150% smitten.

2010, you done good so far.

Me: Omfg. I hate my diet, I can't eat either of those things & I'd kill for some pudding right now :(

Sebastian: Why r u on diet? U don't need to i like it the way u r right now...Oh and u kno that sex is good to lose weight

Me: Ha, I know sex is a good way to lose weight. Hmm, maybe noah can help me lose some weight them. Lol, kiddding.

Sebastian: Well u better be kiddin or i'll be forced to break every bone in his body.

++++

Me: If you make any jokes like that involving them (skanks), then yes, I'll have to kill them. The same way you'd have to kill noah.

Sebastian: Well because im a man and so is he. And skanks are also nice and very helpful =D

Me: Oh, I know he's a man, trrrust me ;D lol, kidddding again!

Sebastian: [...] u see now on friday i will need to kill noah are u happy now ?!

Me: LOL, seby noooo! Don't kill him! I was just kidding hun :P

++++

Sebastian: Well u can talk to him, ok he can even kiss u in a cheek for goodbay but if something else then so help me god

Me: Oh, word? Hm...then this might be a bad time to mention that we made out in a dark alley one night :( LOL, okay last one,

Sebastian: Ok so now noah will be crippled.

Me: LOL, nooo, don't cripple the young lad :(

++++

Me: Okay, you're right, I'll attempt to refrain myself from making those jokes. I can't make any promises on that though ;]

Sebastian: Haha ok we will see how it will turn out. Maybe i'll get back to mind fucking

Me: mind fucking, eh. I prefer the other kind of fucking I do, you know, that kind with noah. Haaa, okay, now I'm done. No more

Sebastian: Ok so if u continue the jokes like that then i will stop whatevr jokes incl. Poking etc. I will be just boring and not caring.

Me: Okay, okay, I'm sorry boo. No more, I promise you this time.

+++++

That was probably one of our more interesting text message conversations, considering we play a little too much into our faux jealousy issues. I don't remember the last time I literally LOL'd over a text conversation. Considering the object of my affection (and lust) was our topic of the evening, I decided to have some fun with it. Friday should be interesting though, with all three of us working that same day, me and Sebastian laughing and Noah not having a clue as to what's going on. Let the good times roll.

I have 3 four page, double spaced papers to write for Psychology, due both tomorrow and possibly Wednesday (but probably all due tomorrow since the semester is pretty much over).

Along with 5 one page, double spaced reaction papers on different topics we've covered all semester.

And, while all this work I need to finish is making me cry a bit on the inside, all I can think about is Captain. All I think about is his humor, his (often failed, but cutely attempted) wit, his adorable face and antics, and his heart-melting, loving kiss.

He's admitted he likes me, has told me my kiss was "delicious" and he's always trying to make me smile. Ever since our make out session on Thanksgiving, he's been extra, dare I say, boyfriend-ish to me. Granted, we haven't even gone on our first date yet (Gotta love conflicting schedules right?). Yet still, we kiss, lips-to-lips, every night and we simply love to be alone together. He would plant quick peck after quick peck on my lips and tell me he didn't want to leave anymore. I certainly don't want him to leave, because work is a snorefest once he's gone, and all I can think about is him.

I guess this is karma for making fun of all those girls who were lovestruck over their guys to the point where they couldn't even handle their courseload, or their lives, for that matter.