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Angela.
23 November 2009 @ 03:05 am
What is becoming of my heart and mind?  
So, Captain asked me out on a date. We don't have an official date set for our first date yet, but I'm going to talk to him about it tomorrow. I'm hoping we can go out on Saturday. He said he'd take me out to dinner. Really, he's just too adorable for words.

These pasts few days have been just wonderful. Well, my schoolwork is piling and piling, which is causing me to freak the fuck out. I'll be pulling all-nighters all next week, for sure.

When it comes to Cap and our "relationship", these days have in fact been wonderful. He now says goodbye to me with a kiss on the cheek and a hug. When we first hugged, he held me tight and whispered: "I wish we could stay like this all night."

It's still hard to believe he actually likes me and wants to take me out somewhere. A part of me wants to believe the worst, and I'm trying with everything I have to ignore those negative thoughts. They're always itching away in the back of my head. I don't know why. He hasn't given me any reason to think badly of him, or assume he's being affectionate with bad intentions.

I'm constantly being warned about going into this, and I feel I should learn from my mistakes, if this does end up being a bad experience. I'm going to cling to the hopeful fact that it won't turn out to be a bad experience.

I can still smell his wonderful cologne, and can still feel his arms so nice and tight around me. I love the way his beard tickles my cheek when he kisses me, and the way he smiles whenever he sees me. And I love the way he says he likes me. /mushygunk.

All in all, it's been a decent week. Hopefully this next one follows suit.

Enjoy your holidays flist. <3
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Current Mood: content
Current Music: Starstruck - Lady Gaga
 
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Angela.
13 November 2009 @ 01:01 am
If my life is mine, what shouldn't I do?  
Everyone I know is out having a hell of a good time tonight. At least, the people that I most care about. I'm glad they're enjoying themselves, really I am.

I'm not sure how to start explaining how I'm feeling. People are mad at me, I am the center of their laughter and the butt of their jokes. It obviously hasn't been the best week for me. Alcohol can do that to ya, I swear.

After my brother's birthday party last Friday, I swore on my beloved grandfather's grave that I wouldn't abuse liquor again. I probably should've realized it's damn near impossible for anyone I know to have any fun without needing to involve alcohol.

I also realized that I need new people to hang out with.

I guess I could say I feel pathetic, shameful, and downright stupid. I need to suffer the consequences though, so I just hide all sadness (not depression. I dislike using that word) I feel with a smile. And a genuine one too. It doesn't effect me completely, but the anger and laughter getting thrown at me still hurts.

I've been repeating it to myself all damn week, and I'll say it again here so I have some place I can visit if I ever do forget: I am never, on my grandfather's grave, going to abuse alcohol again. Ever.

The mantra used to be 'I will never drink alcohol again', but really, I am not that idiotic to say I will never drink again in my life.

I just don't know, and the confusion and uncertainly is pissing me the fuck off.
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Current Mood: tired
Current Music: Help, I'm Alive - Metric
 
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Angela.
03 November 2009 @ 12:31 pm
Let's play a lovegame, play a lovegame.  
I don't even know where to start. I'm still trying to find the words as we speak (as I type...? Fuck semantics)

My feelings for Captain have intensified, completely.

Actually, feelings isn't the correct word to use. Lust is more like it.

The scenario being, I walked back into the kitchen, assuming I was alone. I was doing something on my phone, can't even remember what, and when I hear the bathroom door open, I look up and am face-to-face with a sleeveless shirt wearing, no cap on Captain.

Of course, I blushed like a fucking schoolgirl with my mouth agape. He laughed and pretended to cover himself. I tried to play it as cool as possible. He mentions he wants to start heading back to the gym, and I just nod and say 'that's cool'. He says he already started working out and flexed for me. To say my heart skipped a beat would be an understatement. My palms get shaky just thinking about it. Fuck, my heart beats quicker by just thinking about it.

Also, reading a psychology experiment based on sexual behaviors to write a paper on doesn't help matters. At all.

I'm a pervert, and I can't fucking help it.
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Current Mood: anxious
Current Music: Lovegame - Lady Gaga
 
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Angela.
30 October 2009 @ 11:20 pm
You and me could write a bad romance.  
Captain: This station plays good songs huh?
Me: Yea, they really do. My dad has a lot of these songs on CDs and he plays them all the time.
Captain: Oh really? Wow, that's cool. What other music are you into?
Me: A little of everything, really.
Captain: Do you like reggaeton?
Me: Ew, no. Not really.
Captain: What? Really?
Me: Yea, I just never was into it. Do you like it?
Captain: Oh yea, I love to dance to reggaeton. It's very sexy music ya know...
Me:...um, yea, okay. It is.


The way he says sexy makes my knees weak and I get all ~hot and bothered. Idek. This is just all over the place now.

I think he might even know I'm crushing on him.





Fuck that, he can't read my, can't read my, no he can't read my poker face (She's gonna love nobody). P-p-p-poker face.


Oh yea, I also can't stop listening to Lady Gaga. I'm not even kidding, her music is fucking ace. I love her and her ridiculous outfits.
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Current Mood: contemplative
Current Music: Bad Romance - Lady Gaga
 
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Angela.
21 October 2009 @ 11:42 pm
You stole my heart, I should've known you're crazy.  
Captain: I'll see you tomorrow?
Me: Oh, um, no.
Captain: Okay...Friday, then?
Me: No
Captain: ...Saturday?
Me: No.
Captain: What the fuck, when?
Me: Sunday?
Captain: No.
Me: Monday?
Captain: Yes! Yes, Monday!

It may not sound like a cute moment, but it was. We were giggling the entire time. Adorable, adorable, a-fucking-dorable.

I even grew a pair of balls and poked him while he wasn't looking in the kitchen. I walked right up to him and poked him. He laughed, with that damn smile, and pretended to be scared.

I'm not even going to say adorable again, even though it was, because I'm going to start annoying myself.

Although, I think it might've been smart to mention to him that I will be seeing his pretty face on Saturday, haha. In all fairness, I completely forgot that I was covering for someone at the time we had our conversation.

Ah well, let him be surprised :)
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Current Mood: bouncy
 
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Angela.
13 October 2009 @ 01:02 am
Watch out, Cupid's stuck me with a sickness.  
Ding, ding, you are corrrrect! This is a Captain post!

I'll make it short: I was serving some woman (man? I don't even remember) and he just happened to walk by, taking off his work shirt in the process, revealing a sleeveless undershirt. I legit stopped what I was doing and whispered "Oh my God..."

I bet the customer thought I was ~lovestruck.

After thinking about it, I concluded that oogling him like a piece of meat is the best thing I can do. He even mentioned to me that he would come to work this week dressed in a leather jacket, with his hair nicely done, just so I could see him all sexy'd up.

I've also concluded that he enjoys having me oogle him like a piece of manmeat.

I have no arguments there. None whatsoever.

I also gave him the last sip or two of my Inca Kola (peruvian soda), and never asked what he thought of it. Hmm. Guess that'll have to wait til Wednesday.

It's back to school tomorrow, in other ~interesting Angie news. I have no homework to do (at least not now), and no studying/reading to do, and I'm wide awake. This is definitely going to bite me in the ass later. I know it.
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Current Mood: content
Current Music: Sick Muse - Metric
 
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Angela.
10 October 2009 @ 01:39 am
All that you want from me, is all I have to give.  
So, I've been listening to Dead By Sunrise nonstop for days now. It may not be the greatest CD ever, but still quite decent nonetheless. I've been trying to save up some dough, and I know I'm going to think twice about this, but I'm going to buy the hard copy of the CD when it gets released.

In other news...

School is going great. I got a 92 on my first Psychology exam and nearly shat a brick of excitment. I can happily report that I haven't, as of yet, received a grade lower than an 85. I plan to keep it that way, but who knows with all this work left and right.

I bought new SkullCany Ink'd earphones, and I adore them. I can literally block out the world when I have those on. They may be a bit uncomfortable, but the sound is just amazing. I'll sacrifice comfort for a week in order for music, of course.

I guess that's all.

I can't believe I typed all that while my vision is quite blurry. I can barely keep my eyes open.
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Current Mood: sleepy
Current Music: In The Darkness - Dead By Sunrise
 
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Angela.
24 September 2009 @ 01:56 am
There's blood on your chin where you've bitten your tongue.  
(Broken record warning)

I don't know what to think about this situation anymore. I'm currently catching up on readings for my Art History class, and procrastinating my three Speech topics I need to come up with. Oh, and I'm also currently thinking about how much I laughed at work today, thanks to him. Go figure.

I'm probably going to be up all night finishing at least some of these readings, and typing up my topics with their introductions. But see, he won't leave my head. While most people would consider this a problem, I do not. I rather enjoy picturing his fucking adorable smile and cute face and bubbly personality.

Most guys, by now, will have indirectly given me a reason to think they're a piece of shit. He, on the other hand, has done the exact opposite. I even find his perviness cute. What in the world is wrong with me?
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Current Mood: contemplative
Current Music: Matador - Arctic Monkeys
 
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Angela.
12 September 2009 @ 03:28 pm
Stop making the eyes at me, I'll stop making the eyes at you.  
"What it is that surprises me is that I don't really want you to."

So, um, school is going pretty well. I have my first quiz on Tuesday in Speech and I'm studying my ass off for the 100%. I have so much reading to do all the time, and so much homework too. It doesn't help that I'm always exhausted either. Working doesn't really help me in that factor as well.

And I haven't been thinking about whatshisface either.

Am I fooling anyone? No? Okay.

I'm trying to seperate school and work in the sense that 96% of my brain must be focused on my schoolwork and studying, while the last 3% think about working and NOT about him.

(Translation: I think about him awaaay too much and it needs to stop. But I don't want it to. I love the feeling of my heart jumping and sweaty palms. What the fuck? No I don't. But I die whenever we "flirt", all the cute things he says and does. But he wouldn't like someone like me. Not in that way, anyway. Fuck, I'm too old for this.)
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Current Mood: stressed
Current Music: Lark On My Go-Kart - Asher Roth
 
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Angela.
31 August 2009 @ 11:26 pm
And I'm talking gibberish; tip of the tongue and I can't deliver it properly.  

I think I'm in love.

Wait, wait. Here me out on this one.

I saw him at the park on Sunday. I went over after work and spotted him instantly. There was no denying it was him, and I immediately wanted to go home. Pieri convinced me to stay, and we tried (read: failed miserably) to stay incognito. He continously looked over at us and we played it as cool as possible. It was nearing the end of the socceer game that was progressing, and we assumed he didn't recognize me. I certainly didn't mind, but Pieri wanted him to at least say hi. Well, she got her wish.

He walked right towards us, and I acted as if I hadn't seen him. You get what I'm saying: "Oh man, hey! Nice to see you here!" (He totally bought it, btw.) I greeted him with our usual knuckle touch handshake, but then he stopped and said these exact words: "Aw, can't I get a kiss?"

You better believe I leaned in and kissed him on the cheek. He also did the same. While it is Hispanic tradition to do such an action when you greet a friend/family member, I was still floating high above on Cloud Nine.

We chatted for a bit, he remembered Pieri from the one time she visited me on the job (read also: spy) and he even said my baby cousin Jasmine was cute. He even tried to tickle her. The most adorable site EVER.

He soon had to go, so we said goodbye (with yet another kiss, hehe) and walked our seperate ways. We talked even more about this little meet-up at work today.

Him: Who else was there at the park with you?
Me: My two cousins you met, my brother and his friends/cousins, family friends and my parents.
Him: Your parents?
Me: Yea, my mom and my dad.
Him: Your dad was there?
Me: Well, yea.
Him: [insert adorable chuckle] Oh shit.
Me: Ha, don't worry. I don't think he saw us.
Him: I don't see you at the park all the time though.
Me: Well I usually go home after work, but I decided to head over here and got some food. You go every Sunday?
Him: Yup, every Sunday.
Me: Maybe now I'll go more often.
Him: Yea, that would be cool.

I repeat, I think I'm love.

Prepare for some sort of "I fucking hate men" rant in the future. Knowing my luck with men, these happy, bubbly feelings will go away soon.

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Current Music: Settle For A Draw - Arctic Monkeys
 
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Angela.
30 August 2009 @ 01:33 am
I can't tell you what I learned from school, but I could tell you a story or two.  
I hate awkwardness, and I've recently discovered I hate it twice as much in a college environment.

I want to say it feels like high school, but it's something utterly different. Looking around your classroom, locking eyes with a cute boy and then immediately looking away, that can be classified as high school-ish. The fact that its happened to me twice already leaves a bad impression. Or, maybe it's my fault. I tend to be quite shy around new people. Timid and blushing, when it comes to cute boys. Excluding that tibit, it is nothing like high school. The buildings are enormous, and very confusing. I can check off the classic freshman cliche of getting lost on the first day off my list, at least. I did talk to a few cool people, and even made a friend or two, so it's a start. :D

I only had two classes on Friday, and they weren't too bad. My Art professor is pretty funny. I was actually paying attention to these prehistoric paintings, thanks to him describing one as "Bill Clinton's dream woman." Fantastic. My English professor reminds me so much of my teacher from my freshman year of high school. The similarities are uncanny, and I tried (successfully) to supress my laughter. I even have a classmate from high school in class with me! That alone is the reason this class will be bearable. This professor looooves group work, and we can handle that together. Thank fucking God.

I have my Math and Psych classes on Monday, and English and Speech on Tuesday. I'm hoping these three remaining classes will continue this good streak I've been having.

I should've known Asher Roth's vision of college wasn't universal. Fuck it, I'm a college student. Just the thought makes me smile.
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Current Mood: accomplished
Current Music: I Love College - Asher Roth
 
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Angela.
15 August 2009 @ 01:21 am
Tred softly stranger, and move over towards the danger that you seek.  
I have a feeling I'm going to use the Alex Turner heartbreak icon often.

I really don't know what to say, or think, anymore concerning my current, for lack of a better word, romantic situation. Just ignoring my feelings isn't going to work, so that's no longer an option. I'm just sticking to keeping our relationship purely professional. I'm going to focus (try to anyway) on my job and attempt to do it better, since I know I can be quite the bitch to some ignorant bastards. School's starting soon, so that's definitely going to take my mind off him. And who knows, maybe I'll find a new love interest at school. It'd be more appropriate.


Or maybe I'm just very, very, VERY fucking lonely. Maybe that's why I'm blowing this whole crush thing out of proportion. I haven't found a single guy attractive and funny and nice in over four years. I'm so new at this it's fucking embarassing. Some girls my age are mothers already, although I know that isn't the greatest comparison.

Me: I give you an...eight out of ten. No, nine.
Him: A nine? For what?
Me: Rating of how cute you are out of ten.
Him: Oh really? Wow, thank you. But, oh why couldn't I get a ten?

See, things like this make it hard for me to forget his undeniable cuteness.


I'm waiting for distractions, and I hope they get here as soon as fucking possible.
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Current Mood: exhausted
Current Music: Just Can't Win - 10 Years
 
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Angela.
14 August 2009 @ 02:23 am
So let's, make a mess lioness.  
First off, I should mention that I had quite the interesting dream earlier this evening (Why? Well, I need to let this out, since I'm not used to having dreams like these). I got back from school, completely beat, and threw myself onto my lovely bed. I was listening to a particular song and, well, proceeded to have a sexy dream about Mr. You-Know-Who. It was...weird. I think. I don't know. I do recall feeling rather excited, though...but that's enough of that.

Anywhoo, I've decided to run down the path everyone else has been lately and get my shit together. College is around two weeks away and I'm still all over the place about it. But alas, this is where list entries come in handy.

• Call my school about my I.D (which I have yet to take a picture for)

• Get through this stupid summer course without killing someone. I swear, I'm so glad I chose late morning/early afternoon classes. NOT having to wake up at 6 or 7 in the morning will be heavenly.

• Watch some of my friends move away to start their own thrilling college careers without sounding too upset over it. This will be the most difficult thing to accomplish. But hey, meeting new people and experiencing whole new things is part of the college life.

Only two weeks left. Damn. Working makes the summer just fly right by.
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Current Mood: awake
Current Music: Help I'm Alive - Metric
 
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Angela.
11 August 2009 @ 02:23 am
Handsome and faceless, and weightless your imagination runs.  
He said I was beautiful, and you can only imagine my heart fell apart like the motherfucking Berlin Wall.

He stuck his fist out to me for our usual knuckle touch goodbye before he left, and I told him he looked nice.

I was one slip-of-the-tongue away from saying cute instead of nice. I can only assume he'd blush and say 'Thank You.'

I'm falling, falling, falling.

Ladies and Gentlemen, I've reached a new level of pathetic.
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Current Mood: contemplative
Current Music: The Jeweller's Hands - Arctic Monkeys
 
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Angela.
08 August 2009 @ 04:07 am
Well the heart beats at its peak, when you're coming up to speak.  
Him: "Wow, you look great today."

I swear my heart exploded the second those words left his lips. I just walked in, and he was walking in my direction. He noticed me walking in and I said hello, as I always do when I first see him, and he proceeded to say that. I had a smile on my face for the rest of the day. He also wore my brother's sunglasses, which I was using, and looked adorable as fuck. I wore them and he said they looked nice on me. It most likely means nothing, but you know me. I second guess and over analyze every-little-thing.


(A/N: The best part though happened at the end of the day. I stopped by Starbucks after work and the barista sweetened my Passion Fruit Iced Tea just right. Ugh, it was a perfect day to an almost perfect day.)

I told myself I was going to forget about these feelings I have for him, but today they all floated back in and it was a nerve feeling that I honestly missed.

[b]Everybody's trying to crack the jokes to make you smile.
Those that claim that they're not showing off, are drowning in denial.
But they're not half as bad as me.
Say anything and, I'll agree.
'Cause when it comes to acting up, I'm sure I can write the book.[/b]

I'm on an Arctic Monkeys overdrive and I'm loving every minute of it. Alex fucking gets it.

My eyes are droopy, and I still have a small grin on my face. I'm going to have nice dreams tonight (morning?), with a wonderful soundtrack to match.
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Current Mood: giddy
Current Music: Cornerstone - Arctic Monkeys
 
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Angela.
05 August 2009 @ 09:11 am
Fools on parade conduct a sing-a-long.  
I've always wanted to do this.

I've always wanted to post an entry while siting in Starbucks with a delicious smoothie. Another life goal, accomplished.

It's a pretty good smoothie too. Orange Mango Banana. This is probably going to become my usual beverage of choice at Starbucks now, aside from my traditional Passion Fruit Iced Tea and Caffee Latte in the autumn/winter seasons. And, of course, I can't forget the all too good Pettermint Mocha. I look forward to the Christmas season that much more, just for that beverage.

I need to get to class in about half an hour, but I enjoy sitting here and being a douchey ~hipster. I find that this is my new favorite pasttime: sitting inside Starbucks. I do it after work and now before class.

It isn't my fault, really. They make the atmosphere so damn comfortable, but I suppose they have to do that. And the baristas are so nice it's sickening. I need to be that nice to people at work. But I've seen how some customers here can be and I applaud those baristas. I would've thrown the bastard's drink in their face by now.

I think I've killed enough time here, but the wonderful air conditioning is convincing me to stay.

I obviously have no will power.
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Current Mood: sleepy
Current Music: Secret Door - Arctic Monkeys
 
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Angela.
29 July 2009 @ 02:07 pm
A tramp with a trampoline under his arm.  
It's thundering outside right now, and now I'm deciding to wear shoes instead of flip flops.

I'm in no mood to go to work, or speak about work or Captain, so I'll instead ~gush over these leaked Arctic Monkeys songs. They're fabulous. Humbug is going to be their best album yet, I'm sure. "Pretty Visitors" is just insane. I feel as though I'm going to be quoting that song a whole lot...

Also, I got a paid account. For two months. I got to say, I love being able to get more userpics. I just hope I remember to pay the same five bucks in two months.

It's starting to rain, I think. So I'm just going to get my shoes and go.

This ends this pointless entry. Thanks for tuning in.
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Current Mood: indifferent
Current Music: Pretty Visitors - Arctic Monkeys
 
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Angela.
25 July 2009 @ 10:40 am
I don't ever want to hate you, so don't show me your bed.  
I'm done falling for someone I barely know. It's bad enough he's always around when there's a pretty girl walking by, and the thought of that alone hurts me.

We talked today, and laughed too. It was easy to forget my silly feelings. But upon seeing him smile, my heart proceeded to melt into a puddle.

God, he's my fucking brother's age probably. Maybe even older. And I'm just a good-for-nothing, childish 18 year old. There aren't two people more different.

Lust at first sight is better than walking through a loveless desert for four years.
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Current Mood: discontent
Current Music: When The Sun Goes Down - Arctic Monkeys
 
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Angela.
23 July 2009 @ 01:51 pm
His way or no way, totalitarian.  
(I'm trying to keep Arctic Monkeys lyrics as subjects, even if they don't make any sense whatsoever. And I definitely mispelled totalitarian.)

I'm currently standing in front of an old Virgin Megastore (R.I.P) in Union Square, waiting for my best friend Jaysicka (a.k.a southern_days) to show up.

You gotta love being able to post from a BlackBerry. I don't know the little techie inside survived without one.

I'm waiting and people watching. Hopefully Jaysicka will show up soon. We haven't seen each other in ages. I love that kid.

My pl0x (some ~interweb speak my brother taught me yesterday. It apparently means secret plan. Okay, I'll go with that.) to avoid thinking about Captain has worked so far, but I probably fucking ruined it by mentioning him just now.

Oh well, it was working before. And I'll probably forget about him once Jes (Wow, I never call you that) shows up.

Still waiting for you Jaysicka. And people watching gets old every now and then, even in Union Square.
 
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Angela.
21 July 2009 @ 07:08 pm
He might be one of those boys that's all pretty and vain.  
His name is Captain. At least, that's his name on here.

His name is Captain, and I can't get him off my mind.

All these feelings are immensly irritating. It seems as though I'm back in middle school, with all the stomach butterflies and goofy smiling. I forget from time to time that I'm, as of recently, an 18 year old legal adult.

He has caught me looking at him a few times now and, much like a middle schooler, I look away the second we make eye contact. He greets me when he first sees me walk in and I reply with a timid 'Hello' and an enormous smile.

I'm pathetic.

It has gotten to the point where I feel as though these emotions are following me everywhere. And I mean EVERYWHERE.

A perfect example: Last night, I was up pretty late and couldn't really sleep, despite being exhausted from working. I decided to read and (surprise!) was up to the chapter in my book about false love. Just as I was reading this painfully true sentence, Death Cab started blaring through my headphones -

"There is no feeling that can match the emotive intensity of an attraction devoid of explanation."

It was at this moment that I hated Chuck Klosterman for being such an amazing writer. But, that hate was quickly subsided.

And the Death Cab song that was playing just happened to reach this point in its greatness:

"It's like a book elegantly bound but, in a language that you can't read just yet."

Incidents like these are beginning to happen more frequently and, of course, this could just be me being delusional. Although, I sincerely doubt it.

While all this ridiculous maddness is making my head hurt, there's still this tiny ball of excitement I feel knowing I'll see him again tomorrow afternoon.

To quote Alex Turner, I've "landed in a very common crisis."

Just, you know, a few years too late.
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Current Mood: curious
Current Music: The Bad Thing - Arctic Monkeys
 
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